Marriage

An Overrated Institution or A Sacred Bond

Disclaimer: Marriage is the most talked about and complicated relationship. I wanted to write about it since so long; however, writing about such topics had never been easy. I know that writing about marriage would surely trigger questions about my age, my marital status, if I am married then on which side my marriage is going – an overrated institution or a sacred bond. Depending upon my answers to these questions I will be judged and readers will make their opinion about this write up. But let me say it before I start. It is solely my opinion that I am sharing here with you. Every individual is free to express his/her views and it is not necessary that everyone else has to agree with it. However, the readers’ comments are always important to me and are most welcome.

People tend to be on one side - either marriage is an overrated institution or it is a sacred bond. But I believe that it can be on any side. It is an overrated institution when two people marry for all the wrong reasons and it is a sacred bond if you find that one person who gives you all the right reasons to spend your life with (I know the count is low :P). 

So let’s start with what I meant when I said – ‘all the wrong reasons’. Many of our actions are derived by the reactions of the society we live in. What will the society say if I will do this or if I will not do this? Marriage is one of those actions where society plays a crucial role. As soon as you reach a certain age in your life, suddenly everyone you know gets interested in your plan of getting married. People, relatives or family n friends, will not lose a chance to ask you or your parents about when the marriage is on charts. Not only questions, people do come with all sort of suggestions as their only aim in life is to get you married. They will suggest – ‘This is the right age, you should get married’. They will try to scare you to death by saying – ‘You will lose all the great prospects if you cross certain age and what more, your biological clock is ticking and there will be complications later’.  Do these people imply that marriage is nothing but a license to have sex and to start making babies? If you did not listen to their warnings and have crossed the age that they have declared legitimate for getting married then it will be a matter of time when you will be drowned in the torrent of mindless anticipations about you. They will start gossiping and speculating all sorts of problems, physical or psychological, that are reasons (of which you yourself are not aware) for why you are not getting married. Such people must be roused from their slumber - “Come on man! Get something important in your life to focus on. ”

And finally parents succumb to this societal pressure and start the process of emotional blackmail to make your life miserable as if it is already any less of it. They will give all sort of reasons to convince you that how marriage is the most viable thing to do in your life. They will say – “You can spend your young age alone but everyone needs a companion in old age. What will you do then?” or “All your friends are getting married because this is the right age.” or “Your cousin who is younger than you have decided to marry.” If you have younger siblings then you will be held responsible for spoiling their future as it is inherent in our society that elder should marry before the younger among siblings. And if you did not get tricked by any of these reasons then the last one that is infallible and works in most cases – “How long are we going to live? We will not be with you forever. We want to see you settled and happy.”

A girl’s parents will spend every minute worrying that how their daughter will survive alone in this cruel world. She can live alone, can earn well, can compete in the corporate world, can travel alone, can manage everything in her life but she still is not capable of surviving alone and needs someone to protect her. I mean, really? A boy’s parent will make the guy guilty of not carrying forward their family name as if progeny is the only thing marriages are meant for. They will suggest – “You need someone who will take care of you and manage your home.” Oh puh-leez! If a guy is not capable of taking care of himself then he should not marry as he is a kid and only grownups are allowed to marry. If he can’t take care of himself, how will he be able to take care of his wife? And yes, let me make some sense here, if he needs someone to manage his home then he actually needs a house help not a wife. There exists such parents who think that if their child is not acting responsible in his/her life then he/she will become responsible after marriage. ARGH! From where do people find all these mind boggling highly illogical ideas?

Now as society and parents are playing their parts perfectly to set the stage, it depends on individuals in question as how they will act in their roles. There are cases, not much though, when the individuals are more eager to board the flight of marriage. Don’t take me otherwise as there is nothing wrong in it unless you are well prepared to take off. The reasons can vary with individuals. Some find themselves left alone as most of their friends have either tied the knot or are soon going to do the same and hence they have no one left to call or spend time with especially on weekends. Girls (ok, I agree, not all of them) usually fantasise their wedding for years before the actual time comes as an extravagant affair shown in our happy ever after Bollywood romantic movies (Have you not seen any Karan Johar’s movie?). And guys who usually have a run-away-from-commitment attitude as it is the biggest threat to their so called freedom, get ready to marry only because of their parents and most of the above mentioned reasons. For guys, if they are already seeing a girl and are serious about her then there can be a case when they want to settle down or if there is a pressure from the girl’s side. (Here I must share that I asked a number of guys as to why a guy want to marry other than any of the reasons I have mentioned and I did not find any. So, if you have one, please do share.)

Do not marry for society, parents, financial security, for free and regular sex, progeny or just for the sake of it as everyone else is doing it. With all these wrong reasons do you think a marriage will last forever? Did I hear you saying yes? Then I must say you are more or less right. Why? Because this is how our society is. Couples spend their lives together not out of love but out of helplessness. They will live in regret but still will not step out of marriage because of their families involved or if they have kids and not to forget – ‘What will the society say?’. Also dissolving the marriage makes life even more complicated especially for women because of the embedded prejudices (there are still so many) in our social system. Even if you are not much effected as you are surrounded by people of your age who understand your situation but your parents (living with or away from you) will not be able to escape from the societal harassment.

Nobody wants to make life a living hell. Nobody wants to bear the burden of a relationship where you are not happy or are bound to stay together without respect for each other. Then why to enter this overrated institution called marriage. Is marriage really required? The answer is NO. There should be no compulsion of getting married as it is your life and you have all the right to decide if you are happy being single or want to share it with someone. There is nothing in life that a guy or a girl cannot achieve being single. Does it mean I am anti-marriage? The answer is again NO. Confused? Let me explain. Recently I read these lines and it is something I strongly believe in:

“There should be no compulsion to get married. There’s nothing worse than being married to the wrong person. You should only get married if you find someone you admire, who will help you understand and fulfil your life’s purpose. And you, in turn, can help her fulfil her life’s purpose. If you are able to find that one person, then marry her.”

-Amish Tripathi, Scion of Ikshvaku

So true. Isn’t it? Marry when you find someone you actually admire. Marry when you find someone whom you respect which is even more important than love. Marry when you understand it is about equality and not authority. Marry when you are strong enough to support not when you are alone and are in need of support. Believe me, to be alone is much better than to be with someone who make you feel lonely. Marry when you are mature enough for emotional attachment and not afraid of commitment. Marry when you find a companion for the rest of your life not just for old age. Marry when you find the right person (no matter when) and not because the clock is ticking. Marriage is between two individuals to complement each other and not to complete each other (as no one is incomplete).

I know it is not easy to find the right person but if you find the one then never let him/her go. And if in case you do not find such person then my friend there is nothing more awesome than being single. The sole purpose of life is to live happily and enjoy every moment, be it alone or be it with someone special. Choice should be and is always yours. 

P.S: Here I have talked about the picture before marriage. I have not touched the part of what happens after marriage that makes it an overrated institution or otherwise as there is so much to talk about. How about a part-2? Stay tuned…