An Overrated
Institution or A Sacred Bond
Disclaimer: Marriage is the most talked
about and complicated relationship. I wanted to write about it since so long; however,
writing about such topics had never been easy. I know that writing about
marriage would surely trigger questions about my age, my marital status, if I
am married then on which side my marriage is going – an overrated institution
or a sacred bond. Depending upon my answers to these questions I will be judged
and readers will make their opinion about this write up. But let me say it
before I start. It is solely my opinion that I am sharing here with you. Every
individual is free to express his/her views and it is not necessary that everyone
else has to agree with it. However, the readers’ comments are always important
to me and are most welcome.
People tend to be
on one side - either marriage is an overrated institution or it is a sacred
bond. But I believe that it can be on any side. It is an overrated institution
when two people marry for all the wrong reasons and it is a sacred bond if you
find that one person who gives you all the right reasons to spend your life
with (I know the count is low :P).
So let’s start
with what I meant when I said – ‘all the
wrong reasons’. Many of our actions are derived by the reactions of the society
we live in. What will the society say if I will do this or if I will not do
this? Marriage is one of those actions where society plays a crucial role. As
soon as you reach a certain age in your life, suddenly everyone you know gets
interested in your plan of getting married. People, relatives or family n
friends, will not lose a chance to ask you or your parents about when the
marriage is on charts. Not only questions, people do come with all sort of
suggestions as their only aim in life is to get you married. They will suggest –
‘This is the right age, you should get
married’. They will try to scare you to death by saying – ‘You will lose all the great prospects if you
cross certain age and what more, your biological clock is ticking and there
will be complications later’. Do
these people imply that marriage is nothing but a license to have sex and to
start making babies? If you did not listen to their warnings and have crossed
the age that they have declared legitimate for getting married then it will be
a matter of time when you will be drowned in the torrent of mindless
anticipations about you. They will start gossiping and speculating all sorts of
problems, physical or psychological, that are reasons (of which you yourself
are not aware) for why you are not getting married. Such people must be roused
from their slumber - “Come on man! Get something important in your life to
focus on. ”
And finally
parents succumb to this societal pressure and start the process of emotional blackmail to make your life
miserable as if it is already any less of it. They will give all sort of
reasons to convince you that how marriage is the most viable thing to do in
your life. They will say – “You can spend
your young age alone but everyone needs a companion in old age. What will you
do then?” or “All your friends are
getting married because this is the right age.” or “Your cousin who is younger than you have decided to marry.” If you
have younger siblings then you will be held responsible for spoiling their
future as it is inherent in our society that elder should marry before the
younger among siblings. And if you did not get tricked by any of these reasons
then the last one that is infallible and works in most cases – “How long are we going to live? We will not
be with you forever. We want to see you settled and happy.”
A girl’s parents
will spend every minute worrying that how their daughter will survive alone in
this cruel world. She can live alone, can earn well, can compete in the
corporate world, can travel alone, can manage everything in her life but she
still is not capable of surviving alone and needs someone to protect her. I
mean, really? A boy’s parent will make the guy guilty of not carrying forward
their family name as if progeny is the only thing marriages are meant for. They
will suggest – “You need someone who will
take care of you and manage your home.” Oh puh-leez! If a guy is not
capable of taking care of himself then he should not marry as he is a kid and
only grownups are allowed to marry. If he can’t take care of himself, how will
he be able to take care of his wife? And yes, let me make some sense here, if
he needs someone to manage his home then he actually needs a house help not a
wife. There exists such parents who think that if their child is not acting
responsible in his/her life then he/she will become responsible after marriage.
ARGH! From where do people find all these mind boggling highly illogical ideas?
Now as society
and parents are playing their parts perfectly to set the stage, it depends on
individuals in question as how they will act in their roles. There are cases,
not much though, when the individuals are more eager to board the flight of
marriage. Don’t take me otherwise as there is nothing wrong in it unless you
are well prepared to take off. The reasons can vary with individuals. Some find
themselves left alone as most of their friends have either tied the knot or are
soon going to do the same and hence they have no one left to call or spend time
with especially on weekends. Girls (ok, I agree, not all of them) usually
fantasise their wedding for years before the actual time comes as an extravagant
affair shown in our happy ever after Bollywood
romantic movies (Have you not seen any Karan Johar’s movie?). And guys who
usually have a run-away-from-commitment attitude as it is the biggest threat to
their so called freedom, get ready to marry only because of their parents and
most of the above mentioned reasons. For guys, if they are already seeing a
girl and are serious about her then there can be a case when they want to
settle down or if there is a pressure from the girl’s side. (Here I must share
that I asked a number of guys as to why a guy want to marry other than any of
the reasons I have mentioned and I did not find any. So, if you have one,
please do share.)
Do not marry for
society, parents, financial security, for free and regular sex, progeny or just
for the sake of it as everyone else is doing it. With all these wrong reasons
do you think a marriage will last forever? Did I hear you saying yes? Then I
must say you are more or less right. Why? Because this is how our society is.
Couples spend their lives together not out of love but out of helplessness.
They will live in regret but still will not step out of marriage because of
their families involved or if they have kids and not to forget – ‘What will the society say?’. Also dissolving
the marriage makes life even more complicated especially for women because of
the embedded prejudices (there are still so many) in our social system. Even if
you are not much effected as you are surrounded by people of your age who
understand your situation but your parents (living with or away from you) will
not be able to escape from the societal harassment.
Nobody wants to
make life a living hell. Nobody wants to bear the burden of a relationship
where you are not happy or are bound to stay together without respect for each
other. Then why to enter this overrated institution called marriage. Is marriage
really required? The answer is NO. There should be no compulsion of getting
married as it is your life and you have all the right to decide if you are
happy being single or want to share it with someone. There is nothing in life
that a guy or a girl cannot achieve being single. Does it mean I am anti-marriage?
The answer is again NO. Confused? Let me explain. Recently I read these lines
and it is something I strongly believe in:
“There should be
no compulsion to get married. There’s nothing worse than being married to the
wrong person. You should only get married if you find someone you admire, who
will help you understand and fulfil your life’s purpose. And you, in turn, can
help her fulfil her life’s purpose. If you are able to find that one person,
then marry her.”
-Amish Tripathi,
Scion of Ikshvaku
So true. Isn’t
it? Marry when you find someone you actually admire. Marry when you find
someone whom you respect which is even more important than love. Marry when you
understand it is about equality and not authority. Marry when you are strong
enough to support not when you are alone and are in need of support. Believe
me, to be alone is much better than to be with someone who make you feel
lonely. Marry when you are mature enough for emotional attachment and not
afraid of commitment. Marry when you find a companion for the rest of your life
not just for old age. Marry when you find the right person (no matter when) and
not because the clock is ticking. Marriage is between two individuals to
complement each other and not to complete each other (as no one is incomplete).
I know it is not
easy to find the right person but if you find the one then never let him/her
go. And if in case you do not find such person then my friend there is nothing
more awesome than being single. The sole purpose of life is to live happily and
enjoy every moment, be it alone or be it with someone special. Choice should be
and is always yours.
P.S: Here I have
talked about the picture before marriage. I have not touched the part of what
happens after marriage that makes it an overrated institution or otherwise as
there is so much to talk about. How about a part-2? Stay tuned…
