Yippee! It’s a Half Century

                                  

Hey! I’ve scored a half century guys and still Not Out :e. Wow! Isn’t it amazing? Oh! Are you wondering if I play cricket? No, I don’t. Then what is this half century about?

Well, I was just updating my ‘Currently Reading’ shelf on GoodReads (goodreads.com - the world's largest site for readers) and as soon as I clicked on ‘I’m finished’ for a book (For One More Day by Mitch Albom), I noticed that I have read 55 books. At least GoodReads’ stats say so :tup.

Now, those who like to pick up a book only when they are sleep deprived ;) must be saying in their minds – How could you and what is there to be so happy about it?  And those, who are into reading, must be thinking – what’s the big deal? Just 55 books? But I am sure those who read must be able to understand what an amazing journey I have had while going through these books.

I had never been a reader, neither in school nor in college. I never read books except the ones in my course every year. In fact I used to hate reading and whenever I saw anyone reading I was like – BAH! (Sorry for this :( ) But then a change happened and I am glad that it happened as now I cannot think of living without books and reading. They have become an inevitable part of my life. I now realize what I had been missing when I was not reading. Yet, it is better late than never, right? Soon I will be celebrating my second birthday as a reader ^_^. Did I hear a few of you saying – ‘2 years and 55 books, then it is okay’. WOH, what a relief!

No! Seriously, do you really think it is the number that matters? Of course I am happy with this sense of achievement of scoring a half century however I strongly agree with –

“In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.” 
― Mortimer J. Adler

And believe me, books actually change you, but only for good. I started reading when I was going through the lows of my life and picked up a book so I could get rid of all the crap going on in my head. Initially it took some effort, but soon I read one after the other and then I never looked back. Ask me, what will I consider as one of the best moments and I will say – Reading a book while sitting on a window side, with a cup of coffee, which I am sure, would remain untouched as books are like drugs and reading is an addiction which makes you forget the world around you and that too with all the positive effects.

I have been asked one question many times and by many people. One day, a friend asked me the same question – ‘What do you get out of these books?’ :/ Of course she does not read and was pissed off with me as it is usual between us that I don’t hear to what she says when I am reading. When I heard her question, I smiled and then laughed but only to enrage her more. I replied – ‘I won’t be able to make you understand what I get from them. It is something that you won’t understand unless you experience it yourself.’

Here I am trying to put in words, what they actually mean to me or an answer to – ‘What I get from them?’

Like wind in the boundless space

You let my imagination soar

In this one lifetime

I got so many lives to explore

I discover world after world

As we voyage through times

I meet different people

And live through their lives

I laugh with them

And you join my laughter

I cry with them

And you give me a shoulder

When I feel their pain

I scream holding you tight

I celebrate their love and happiness

With utmost delight

I undergo several emotions

Through your pages

The time spend with you

Give me experience of ages

You help me grow wiser

With each day passed

You bring me hope

When everything seems so dark

You give me strength

When I am scared and broken

You motivate me

When I feel discouraged and shaken

You bring the answer

To my every question

You are the mirror

Where I can see my reflection

Together with you I travel

Not just in the outer world

But I travel into my own self

With so many lessons learnt

You are the most patient

Telling me a story every night

Through you I understand

The secrets of life

I know you will never leave me

Unless I decide to go away

Whenever I’ll come to you

You will love me back the same way

You have been a teacher,

A motivator and a counselor

I feel so fortunate

As in you I have found a friend forever.

These are my views about reading and books. If you are a non-reader, start reading and experience the magic yourself. If you are a reader, please share your thoughts. I would love to know about - ‘What do you get from books?’
 

That's like My Man

This blog is written as a part of Preeti Shenoy's book - 'The One You Can Not Have' (TOUCH) Thursday no. 3 writing prompt.

The writing prompt for TOUCH thursday no. 3 is:

Anjali is a character in the book. She has dated 6 men and rejected all of them. She is still looking for Mr. Right. She feels it is hard to get what she is looking for.

If you are a woman, write 3 things (or more) that you really want from men.

Hey Anjali,

I got to know that you are in search of your Mr Right and have already rejected 6 men. Woo hoo !!! Not bad ;). So, let me tell you that we are travelling in the same boat and I too have met a few guys (Well! I can still count them on my fingers) and I don’t know where my Mr Right is hiding. But never mind as it is perfectly OK to wait for Mr Right than to be with Mr Wrong.

When I was a girl, ahem ahem ;)  Yeah, I should say ‘I was’,  then I had a huge list that consisted more of my fantasies inspired by those ‘out of the world’ romantic movies but now when I see myself as a woman my checklist  is more specific for how ‘My Man’ should be like. Here, I am sharing it with you for a thought.

A MAN - with a SPINE: Oh! This for sure does not mean the physical thing that we call a backbone :) , but you got it right, I mean the real man. My man should be the one who can take a stand for what he believes in and hence what he says and does i.e. not a player of words but a man of action. He should be able to make out what is right and what is wrong with a clear view of what he wants from life. A man with such a personality will surely be able to take a stand for “US” when required and will never hesitate to say – ‘Yes! This is my woman’.

   RESPECT – give n take: When I say respect, I mean respecting me as an ‘Individual’ who has a freedom of thoughts, actions and expressions, has her own likes and dislikes and is capable of decision making. Far above, respecting me with no preconceived notions (as there are many embedded in our society) that being a woman I am supposed to do this and I cannot do this. Here, family back ground can play a vital role like how a woman has been portrayed in his family since his childhood – one who is meant to sacrifice with nothing to ask for or a partner in every walk of life.

    TRUST – makes or destroys: I am a working woman and so I spend 10 hours of my day out in office, working with and meeting different people and sometimes going out with colleagues. I have so many friends and we catch up whenever we get time. And in such a case, I want someone who trusts me, which I believe is the base of a relationship. So, someone who keeps calling in every few minutes to keep an eye on me or someone who listens to others and not what I say is a BIG NO!

PARTNER – for life or parents: Well, I am definitely looking for a partner but is the guy looking for a daughter in law more than a partner?  Believe me, once I met a guy and the first thing he said was – ‘My only demand from you is to keep my parents happy and the rest is none of my business’ and the same moment I knew that my answer is a NO! I agree that it is the guy who walks on thin ice when it comes to make a balance between his wife and his family and there is nothing wrong in expecting that the girl will take care of the family. However, this is where he has to act smart and keep the balance. A guy entering into a relation must know that while his lady is trying to keep his parents happy, taking care of his wife is for sure his business.

P.S: I have a wish that my man would love to read books.

Apart from these, l believe, when a guy trusts and respects you, love follows. And other thing is loyalty which is like common sense to a relationship and yes it is not really common ;).

Marriage is a celebration of choice for a life time. I hope my checklist can help you in some way and I am glad to share it with you.

Happy Searching!!!

Edited for the following reason:

As mentioned, this write up is written as a part of writing prompt TOUCH Thursday no. 3, and this write up got a SPECIAL MENTION in the results:

http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.in/2013/10/touch-thursday-no4-and-results.html

I refuse to be a Victim

It’s been so long that I have been thinking about an issue or I should say a common situation that many women must have faced at some point in their lives. No! I am not going to talk about any kind of sexual assault or any harassment that women face but an issue that somewhere tells the mind set of our society towards women and one of many other ways in which a woman is disrespected.

A few days ago it happened to me that I posted a picture of mine on a social networking site. There was nothing new in posting a picture but to my surprise I got a few compliments or you can say remarks that made me to think – ‘what is so extraordinary with this picture’. In that picture I was wearing shorts and it was clicked on some day when I was out with my friends. I got remarks like ‘so hot’, ‘damn sexy’ and some more of such types from a few and I took them as a compliment, though I thought why I never got such compliments when I posted a picture in a saree, salwar kameez or chudidar. Is it that a woman in these attires does not look hot or sexy? Or is it like people think of you with a different perspective when you wear shorts? 

So, what happened was, one of my acquaintances, a guy, after looking at that picture, asked me for a date in a derogatory manner that I really felt offended. I refused for the date and did not say much at that time and thought, like many other girls would have thought in such a case - I should have not posted this picture. Many people would think that it’s wrong on my part to post such a picture on a social website being a woman. After a few minutes of disgust, I understood what was actually wrong. There was nothing wrong in the picture and not even in the clothes I was wearing but there was something wrong with the mind set of the person as he might have concluded that the clothes I am wearing are portent of depravity and a girl who can post such a picture can take any brusque remarks and can easily be asked for a date in any disrespectful manner and she won’t mind.

And this was just an incident that makes me to think there is nothing new in this situation. This has been the trend of the hypocrite and major part of our society – people make such hue and cry about the crime against women, of sexual assaults, harassment and rape cases. They talk at a great length of how wrong it is to disrespect a woman and what should be done to change our society. However, why to go that far, isn't it the basic thing that we are missing – to respect a woman irrespective of our prejudice based on what she is wearing?  How a woman’s clothes can give us the liberty to think that she is immoral, easy to approach and easy to be laid? How it gives us the freedom to use derogatory remarks and hence to humiliate any woman? How does her apparel let us assume that she is a fair game to receive any unsolicited attention?

Here I am not talking of that part of society that is illiterate but the part that is very much literate and considered as accountable. And the irony is - not only men but the women themselves are a big contributor to women’s disgrace. Many a times, women are heard making a remark that the women are harassed as they implicitly ‘ask for it’ through their attires. But this is a well-known fallacy and this is a discussion for another day.

My concern here is about those women who accept to be a victim of such disgrace, who accept the guilt of the sin which they have not committed, who have sanctioned the tag of being immoral without any question. I will try to explain it with an example. I had been in a relationship with a guy who was well educated and was working in a renowned MNC at a good position. But these factors did not make any difference to his mind set. I was not supposed to wear western clothes because he considered them as a harbinger of immorality and so was declared as a taboo for me. After a bit of resentment I gave in and accepted the decree. This was my first sanction as a victim. Later, one day I showed my photographs of a visit to some place to one of my close friends, and I was wearing shorts in those pictures. My friend who is an MBA from a reputed institute, to my astonishment, he said – ‘this is what freedom means to you? ’. He gave me a lecture on the societal standards and declared me as someone who is devoid of morality. I again did not say anything and this was my second sanction as a victim.

I was amazed as the guy with whom I was in a relationship and my friend they knew me for years, still they judged me with what I wore and just forgot about what kind of a person I am. I have also heard many similar stories from my friends and many other women wherein they gave up their freedom of choice to wear what they like to because of similar situations.

But this time I decided - I refuse to be a victim and I won’t sanction anyone’s judgement against me. I refuse to accept as guilt that I have the right to decide what I like to wear like any other person in our society. I refuse to accept as guilt that I wear what pleases me and not to invite anyone’s unwanted attention and remarks. I refuse to accept this form of gender discrimination and hypocrisy where a woman’s character is judged by her clothing. There is nothing wrong with what a woman choose to wear but the regressive mentality of people, which presumes that the evil is in the apparel. It’s not the clothes that are harbingers of immorality, but it’s the mind set and gaze of people that is immoral.

Therefore, I want to assert that every woman should stop accepting the tag of being frail and ask people by what right they pass the judgement based on what she decides to wear. Why to bear with such a ridiculous demeanor? Don’t be silent; speak up as silence is taken as a weakness and your approval of being a victim.

Also, I like to assert to everyone - ‘Never judge a woman’s character by what she wears, like it is said - never judge a book by its cover’. Start with this and I am sure things will change for better.