I refuse to be a Victim

It’s been so long that I have been thinking about an issue or I should say a common situation that many women must have faced at some point in their lives. No! I am not going to talk about any kind of sexual assault or any harassment that women face but an issue that somewhere tells the mind set of our society towards women and one of many other ways in which a woman is disrespected.

A few days ago it happened to me that I posted a picture of mine on a social networking site. There was nothing new in posting a picture but to my surprise I got a few compliments or you can say remarks that made me to think – ‘what is so extraordinary with this picture’. In that picture I was wearing shorts and it was clicked on some day when I was out with my friends. I got remarks like ‘so hot’, ‘damn sexy’ and some more of such types from a few and I took them as a compliment, though I thought why I never got such compliments when I posted a picture in a saree, salwar kameez or chudidar. Is it that a woman in these attires does not look hot or sexy? Or is it like people think of you with a different perspective when you wear shorts? 

So, what happened was, one of my acquaintances, a guy, after looking at that picture, asked me for a date in a derogatory manner that I really felt offended. I refused for the date and did not say much at that time and thought, like many other girls would have thought in such a case - I should have not posted this picture. Many people would think that it’s wrong on my part to post such a picture on a social website being a woman. After a few minutes of disgust, I understood what was actually wrong. There was nothing wrong in the picture and not even in the clothes I was wearing but there was something wrong with the mind set of the person as he might have concluded that the clothes I am wearing are portent of depravity and a girl who can post such a picture can take any brusque remarks and can easily be asked for a date in any disrespectful manner and she won’t mind.

And this was just an incident that makes me to think there is nothing new in this situation. This has been the trend of the hypocrite and major part of our society – people make such hue and cry about the crime against women, of sexual assaults, harassment and rape cases. They talk at a great length of how wrong it is to disrespect a woman and what should be done to change our society. However, why to go that far, isn't it the basic thing that we are missing – to respect a woman irrespective of our prejudice based on what she is wearing?  How a woman’s clothes can give us the liberty to think that she is immoral, easy to approach and easy to be laid? How it gives us the freedom to use derogatory remarks and hence to humiliate any woman? How does her apparel let us assume that she is a fair game to receive any unsolicited attention?

Here I am not talking of that part of society that is illiterate but the part that is very much literate and considered as accountable. And the irony is - not only men but the women themselves are a big contributor to women’s disgrace. Many a times, women are heard making a remark that the women are harassed as they implicitly ‘ask for it’ through their attires. But this is a well-known fallacy and this is a discussion for another day.

My concern here is about those women who accept to be a victim of such disgrace, who accept the guilt of the sin which they have not committed, who have sanctioned the tag of being immoral without any question. I will try to explain it with an example. I had been in a relationship with a guy who was well educated and was working in a renowned MNC at a good position. But these factors did not make any difference to his mind set. I was not supposed to wear western clothes because he considered them as a harbinger of immorality and so was declared as a taboo for me. After a bit of resentment I gave in and accepted the decree. This was my first sanction as a victim. Later, one day I showed my photographs of a visit to some place to one of my close friends, and I was wearing shorts in those pictures. My friend who is an MBA from a reputed institute, to my astonishment, he said – ‘this is what freedom means to you? ’. He gave me a lecture on the societal standards and declared me as someone who is devoid of morality. I again did not say anything and this was my second sanction as a victim.

I was amazed as the guy with whom I was in a relationship and my friend they knew me for years, still they judged me with what I wore and just forgot about what kind of a person I am. I have also heard many similar stories from my friends and many other women wherein they gave up their freedom of choice to wear what they like to because of similar situations.

But this time I decided - I refuse to be a victim and I won’t sanction anyone’s judgement against me. I refuse to accept as guilt that I have the right to decide what I like to wear like any other person in our society. I refuse to accept as guilt that I wear what pleases me and not to invite anyone’s unwanted attention and remarks. I refuse to accept this form of gender discrimination and hypocrisy where a woman’s character is judged by her clothing. There is nothing wrong with what a woman choose to wear but the regressive mentality of people, which presumes that the evil is in the apparel. It’s not the clothes that are harbingers of immorality, but it’s the mind set and gaze of people that is immoral.

Therefore, I want to assert that every woman should stop accepting the tag of being frail and ask people by what right they pass the judgement based on what she decides to wear. Why to bear with such a ridiculous demeanor? Don’t be silent; speak up as silence is taken as a weakness and your approval of being a victim.

Also, I like to assert to everyone - ‘Never judge a woman’s character by what she wears, like it is said - never judge a book by its cover’. Start with this and I am sure things will change for better.