APATHY - the best revenge

Sometime ago while reading a book I came across a quote that caught my attention - “There are four basic human needs - food, sleep, sex and revenge.”  My immediate reaction was - Really? I read it again. Oh! don’t take me otherwise, I agree with the first three needs but Revenge? I mean, seriously? How can revenge be a basic need for a human?

When I thought closely, may be not a basic need, but isn't revenge or hatred something that somewhere derives many of us. At some point of time in life, every one of us must have done something or thought of doing something to take revenge. Though revenge is a BIG word however, in many situations when we get hurt, we want to hurt or wish that the other person would go through the same pain which we have gone through. Like, it can be your lover or your ex who cheated on you and left you emotionally drained and broken or may be a relative who had done wrong to you or to your family that would take years to come out of it or have an everlasting effect on your life. In fact, there are very common scenarios when we say – ‘Let the time come and I will show you’.

Then over the period, the feeling of revenge gradually turns into hatred that dwells in us day and night. We start living for only one reason just to show the person who has hurt us that we can do anything. In fact to prove that we are doing really better without them or even after what they have done to us. We start doing things to show off and every moment of life is spent in proving something to someone. We set goals in our lives to prove ourselves to others and not because we want to feel accomplished and good about ourselves.

And here I have a question. Do you actually think that living a life to take revenge or in hatred, is a life worth living for? You are giving that person your whole life and its purpose, without even knowing it. You are living each moment of your life for others and hence making them the sole reason of your existence. It is like locking yourself and giving away the key to someone who will never let you free.

“Holding anger is a poison...It eats you from inside...We think that by hating someone we hurt them...But hatred is a curved blade...and the harm we do to others...we also do to ourselves.”

-Mitch Albom (The five people you meet in heaven)

Yes, hatred is in the basic nature of humans and it is easy to fall for hatred when you are hurt. Few years ago, I would have acted in the same way (not exactly though, but closer to this ;) ), if someone would have hurt me. Time changes and so we learn and evolve. And then one day, when I was reading Shiva trilogy by Amish Tripathi, I got words for what I learnt. He has written:

“The opposite of love is not hate. Hate is just love gone bad. The actual opposite of love is apathy. When you don’t care a damn as to what happens to the other person.”

So true! Isn't it like when we love we give a part of us to the person we love. And same is what happens when we hate. We give away a part of us to the person but this time that person is just not worth it. If you hate someone that means you still feel something and are carrying that person in your mind and that person can still get to you in some way even if you choose not to speak to him.

Believe me, there can’t be a better revenge than apathy. I know it is easier said than done. It is hard to implement. But, at least give it a shot. I strongly believe in – ‘Fake it till you become it’. Start with pretending that you don’t  give a damn and then with time, you actually won’t give a damn and can stand with that person in the same room unaffected.

It is your life and it is only you who should decide what you want to do with it – giving it away for someone who once did you wrong or living it for yourself and your loved ones? Why to waste any single moment of your life in hating someone or for someone who does not deserve? You can have peace, when you first make it with yourself. Therefore, whatever happened or who so ever hurt you in anyway, let it go, not for anyone else but for you. Don’t carry any baggage of hatred. To move on happily, learn to forgive but never forget what it taught you.

Life is so beautiful and we get it once. Live every moment and celebrate life. After all, Life is what you make it!

P.S: Don’t forget to share your thoughts and experience. It is always wonderful to know what you all think about it.