APATHY - the best revenge

Sometime ago while reading a book I came across a quote that caught my attention - “There are four basic human needs - food, sleep, sex and revenge.”  My immediate reaction was - Really? I read it again. Oh! don’t take me otherwise, I agree with the first three needs but Revenge? I mean, seriously? How can revenge be a basic need for a human?

When I thought closely, may be not a basic need, but isn't revenge or hatred something that somewhere derives many of us. At some point of time in life, every one of us must have done something or thought of doing something to take revenge. Though revenge is a BIG word however, in many situations when we get hurt, we want to hurt or wish that the other person would go through the same pain which we have gone through. Like, it can be your lover or your ex who cheated on you and left you emotionally drained and broken or may be a relative who had done wrong to you or to your family that would take years to come out of it or have an everlasting effect on your life. In fact, there are very common scenarios when we say – ‘Let the time come and I will show you’.

Then over the period, the feeling of revenge gradually turns into hatred that dwells in us day and night. We start living for only one reason just to show the person who has hurt us that we can do anything. In fact to prove that we are doing really better without them or even after what they have done to us. We start doing things to show off and every moment of life is spent in proving something to someone. We set goals in our lives to prove ourselves to others and not because we want to feel accomplished and good about ourselves.

And here I have a question. Do you actually think that living a life to take revenge or in hatred, is a life worth living for? You are giving that person your whole life and its purpose, without even knowing it. You are living each moment of your life for others and hence making them the sole reason of your existence. It is like locking yourself and giving away the key to someone who will never let you free.

“Holding anger is a poison...It eats you from inside...We think that by hating someone we hurt them...But hatred is a curved blade...and the harm we do to others...we also do to ourselves.”

-Mitch Albom (The five people you meet in heaven)

Yes, hatred is in the basic nature of humans and it is easy to fall for hatred when you are hurt. Few years ago, I would have acted in the same way (not exactly though, but closer to this ;) ), if someone would have hurt me. Time changes and so we learn and evolve. And then one day, when I was reading Shiva trilogy by Amish Tripathi, I got words for what I learnt. He has written:

“The opposite of love is not hate. Hate is just love gone bad. The actual opposite of love is apathy. When you don’t care a damn as to what happens to the other person.”

So true! Isn't it like when we love we give a part of us to the person we love. And same is what happens when we hate. We give away a part of us to the person but this time that person is just not worth it. If you hate someone that means you still feel something and are carrying that person in your mind and that person can still get to you in some way even if you choose not to speak to him.

Believe me, there can’t be a better revenge than apathy. I know it is easier said than done. It is hard to implement. But, at least give it a shot. I strongly believe in – ‘Fake it till you become it’. Start with pretending that you don’t  give a damn and then with time, you actually won’t give a damn and can stand with that person in the same room unaffected.

It is your life and it is only you who should decide what you want to do with it – giving it away for someone who once did you wrong or living it for yourself and your loved ones? Why to waste any single moment of your life in hating someone or for someone who does not deserve? You can have peace, when you first make it with yourself. Therefore, whatever happened or who so ever hurt you in anyway, let it go, not for anyone else but for you. Don’t carry any baggage of hatred. To move on happily, learn to forgive but never forget what it taught you.

Life is so beautiful and we get it once. Live every moment and celebrate life. After all, Life is what you make it!

P.S: Don’t forget to share your thoughts and experience. It is always wonderful to know what you all think about it.

Food for the Soul

I recently noticed that unintentionally I have used the term ‘Food for my soul’ sometimes while doing updates on networking websites and I even use it unconsciously in my mind. And when I noticed I realized that I always use it for something that is really close to my heart. This may sound odd :d so let me explain - Why I use this term for something that is dear to me or what do I actually mean when I say – ‘Food for my soul’.

Food for my soul is not that I cook some kind of food and give it to my soul to eat but it is something that I do for myself and that makes me feel alive, something that makes my inner self contented. It strengthens my soul, giving it all the energy it needs to keep going and something to look forward to. It is anything that stirs as the happiness in my heart; curve my lips into an arc and twinkles with a shine in my eyes. It is the thing that I do effortlessly yet putting in all the zest unknowingly.

Food for your soul can actually be anything like any of your hobbies. May be you still follow it or you used to follow it but now you don’t get time or you just ignore it. However, I personally believe that there cannot be anything that you can leave behind completely if you are/were passionate about it or if you ever loved to do it. I am sure, even if it is left behind somewhere in time, whenever you will get a chance to do it you will not be able to stop yourself, will grab it with both the hands and will end up doing it and that too with great enthusiasm.

Okay so now, try to give it a thought, if there is anything that you used to do with all your heart and is now nowhere a part of your life. Or if there is anything that you always wanted to do but haven’t done it till now. Of course there is. So, here you go! :mj

Don’t think or wait for anything to happen to start with it, just do it. And please, don’t give an excuse to yourself that you don’t have time. It is as much required as you give food to your body. Initially it can take some efforts like you will find yourself thinking – ‘What the hell am I doing? I shouldn't have started it’ or ‘It requires time and effort and I am short of both’. All you have to do is to be determined and soon you will be glad that you started.

One of the ways I feed my soul is Writing on this blog. I used to scribble here and there but I started this blog when a friend gave a push that I can write and must start with it (May be that friend did not want to bear the torture of my writing alone :P) Now, it is a way through which I share my thoughts with you all and feel so blessed when you enjoy reading it and appreciate. Writing is kind of a vent where I can pour my heart out and know how people think about the same thing. Though I don’t write frequently but I never lose the touch.

Other exigent food for my soul is Reading. I read a lot and there can never be a case when you don’t find a book with me. No, it does not mean that I just keep books with me but I actually read them. I believe it helps me evolve and let me understand the world around me in a better way. I won’t say much as there is so much about reading that my last blog post was all about it, here is the link to it – Yippee! its a half century

Another thing that is dearest to my soul and that actually made me to write this post is Dancing. Recently, a talent show was held in my office and without giving it a moment of thought I knew I would be participating in dance. Dancing has always been a hobby since childhood but it was lost somewhere after college. And when I got a chance this time how I could have let it go. I ended up participating in both group and solo. Believe me, every time I rehearsed I wanted to do more no matter how much I was in pain physically. For dancing it has always been like - Yeah Dil Maange More <3. It is for sure one of the best feelings to dance as it is said – Dancing is like dreaming with your feet.

Apart from these, there is one more thing that feeds my soul (no less than anything else) is to Paint. I am not a voracious painter these days like I used to be earlier but sometimes I do paint. And when I start, it doesn't let me go away till I finish. If not with actual colors and brushes, I will just draw something on a piece of paper. Here is one that I did recently: 

Rangoli - Diwali 2013

Rangoli  - Diwali 2012

All these things let me feed my soul and feel happy and content. I don’t do these things every day however, I never let them go away completely from my life and how could I? These things make me feel good about myself and accomplished. And that sense of achievement – ‘Yes, I did it!’ :e is beyond any expression in words.

So, find the food for your soul that can let you feel ‘Out of this world’. Everything is important so is to find time for yourself. Satisfaction and sense of achievement is something that everybody needs. There must be something that you do for yourself and look forward to. Make it this New Year’s resolution (but don’t break it like you do every other year ;)) and start with a thing you loved to do or will love to do.

I would love to hear about what is your food for soul. So, don’t forget to share your experience and thoughts about it.