after 5 years...
In every love or I should say to-be-love relationship, there
comes a phase when you can feel that it is more than a friendship still you
cannot name it as ‘Love’. This is the most amazing phase of a relationship,
with lots of uncertainties and confusions, when the other person has not
confessed his/her feelings, no proposals, when silence has its own language, still
you feel so special in some moments that your heart sings ‘chahe tum kuch na kaho maine sun liya’. It is when you do not even
think about what future holds for this relation but you prefer to live in those
charismatic moments and find yourself on cloud nine.
Here is one of those days from my life when I experienced being
on the top of the world - ‘aaj main
upper, aasman niche’. I met an old time friend, should I call him a friend?
No! Same situation, when I knew that it’s not just friendship but somewhere I
knew it’s not yet love. We knew each other from past 7 years however; we met
only a few times. The relationship was on and off, and even when we were in
touch it was only through phone calls, SMSes or chats. But there was an
invisible bond, so strong that somehow it always kept us together. We never had
any awkward moment when we had nothing to talk about, even if we were talking
after an year or we were talking every day for hours. Then came a day when it
happened that we decided to meet or correctly, the destiny decided for us that
we should meet. I asked myself - Is it a date? No! friends don't date. Friends? huh whatever. I still remember the
excitement I had, it was weird. I was not able to get the reason of being so
happy – ‘aye dil bata yeh tujhe kya hua’.
A night prior to when we were supposed to meet I played a
prank. We talked over the phone that night and I told him that I would not be
able to come as my parents wanted me to spend some time with them. Though I
could not see him but I was able to feel the despair in his voice. He suggested
me a number of excuses that I could make. I was glad as the prank was
unintentional but I came to know that the excitement and craziness is not with
me only – ‘Jo hal dil ka idhar ho raha hai, vo hal dil ka udhar ho raha hai’…
Next morning, I left to reach the place where we had planned
to meet. Oh I forgot to tell you, I did not know why, but I pampered
myself to look the best that day. I wanted to listen through his eyes, even if
he would not say it – ‘You are looking beautiful’.
I was standing on the roadside, my eyes searching for him, my
heart beating faster than usual with both excitement and nervousness at the
same time; I was waiting for him when I felt a tap on my left shoulder. I
turned into the direction but he was standing on my right side, and this is
what he always does. Yes, this was the moment when we were standing in front of
each other after 5 long years, my heart skipped a beat - ‘Dekh ke tumko hosh mein aana bhul gaye, yaad rahe tum aur zamaana bhul
gaye’. I don’t know how, but we hugged, though it was a small hug but it
happened.
We walked for some time to reach the bus stand, talking and
laughing all the while. It did not seem for a single moment that we were seeing
each other after so long. Again, I don’t know why but there was a constant
smile on my face all the time and same with him. For my smile he was the
reason, and I hoped, I wished that I was the reason behind his smile. We were
about to cross the road when he gently held my hand and we crossed the road. I
just kept looking at him with surprise while crossing and he did not budge as
if nothing happened. May be it was nothing but for me it was more than
anything. It was the softness of his touch, it was care, it was belongingness,
and it was everything – ‘tune chua aaj
aise, main kya se kya ban gayi’.
We reached the bus stand and boarded the bus. The bus was
crowded and none of us got a seat. We were standing and he was around me, I
mean he was standing decently but in such a way as to protect me from everyone
in the crowd. I felt so secure and what else a girl wants – someone, whom she
loves, protects her from all the evils in this world - ‘tujh ko jo paya to, hai yeh lagta kyun, bahon mein bus teri mehfooz hun’. Did I say ‘she loves’? It is not
yet love but soon going to be.
After some distance, I got a seat and then after some time he
got the one beside me. All this time he was looking at me, observing me (from a
small grain on my arm to my nail paint, from the darkness of kohl in my eyes to
the silkiness of my dark long hair), smiling all the time. And how I knew it? I
saw it all from the corner of my eyes. He was not able to take his eyes off
even when I was looking out of the window. He was so happy to have me with him
and so did I, as if a child had got his favourite toy after asking for it for
so long. It made my day and yes his constant observation, his twinkling eyes,
his bright smile said it all – ‘You are
beautiful’. At least I heard it and later he confessed it.
We watched a movie and don’t ask me which movie. Though I
remember the name but who was interested in the movie? We were more interested
in each other, talking to each other all the time, sometimes about the movie
and sometimes our own stories. After movie, we were just roaming around in the
mall, while walking and looking at the surroundings our hands rubbed many
times, and a moment came when of those many times our fingers intermingled and
we held each other’s hands softly and walked. There were no words and no
glances exchanged but the silence had its own understanding – ‘Khamoshiyan gungunane lagi’. Were we in
love? No, the fall has just begun.
We came out of the mall and he asked me if I want to have an
ice cream, how could I say no to him for an ice cream? While we were having our
ice creams, the bus came and we got in. When we got the seats, I saw him
struggling with the ice cream as it had melted and he had it all over his hand.
He was looking so damn cute fighting with the melting ice cream, puzzled and
looking for something to clean it off. I gave him a tissue and his eyes
twinkled again like a kid. Yes, many times he behaves in a way that makes him
as adorable as a kid.
All the time he was talking and believe me I love listening
to his talks, though I know many times they are silly. Through the window of
the bus, he was showing me different places and his stories about those places.
We reached a market place where we went to a restaurant. We sat down opposite
to each other and he asked me what I would like to have. While asking, he
forwarded both of his hands towards me and then he held my hands lovingly.
Everything happening was just like a dream. It was happening so quick like the
blow of wind and I was leisurely flowing with it. I wanted the moment to freeze
and last forever. But he went to place the order at the counter and I was still
not able to take my eyes off him. How can looking at someone make you feel so
much at peace? - 'ek din zindagi itni hogi hasin, maine socha na tha'.
We then came out and started walking in huge open area in the
market place. Our conversations have always been endless and so we were again talking
and laughing. Time flew and his friends started calling him as he had to catch
up with them to go back to his place. He was making excuses to them and trying
to spend some more time. And so was I, wishing for some more time with him.
Both of us did not want time to pass by. But finally we had to go on our
separate ways. He walked me to the bus stand from where I would get the bus to
my place. We boarded the bus, I got the seat and he stood in front of me to say
bye. But he took his time to leave and somehow we ran out of words. This was
unusual between us. I wanted to tell him to stay by my side forever and never
let me go. Sometimes you are not sure if you have the right on
someone to express all your feelings even if you feel the person is yours. And
here the confession was still to be made. He left - ‘Chaha tha yeh kahenge, socha tha vo kahenge, aaye woh samne to kuch bhi
na keh sake’.
We reached our respective places and informed each other. There
was something I was missing now. There was something that I left with him. The
whole night went thinking about him. I questioned myself if he felt the same
about me like I felt for him? Was it something more than friendship for him
or…? I did not want to think of the other option. The whole night was spent vacillating
between – ‘may be yes’ or ‘may be no’. The next day when I was working in the
office, my phone beeped. It was his message which said:
“Hai nasha teri meri
har mulakat mein”
It brought a big arc smile on my face and an answer to my
dilemma. I knew I have fallen for him and so did he. Yes it’s LOVE.
